If you can’t change it, better learn to love it!

If you can’t change it, better learn to love it!

When I look around I notice that too often we are stuck. We are stuck at or with:  work, relation, habit, old car etc.

It’s nothing wrong with having work, relations, habits or old cars as long as we feel good about it!  However, the “being stuck” feeling means most of the time that we do not feel good… Which for many of us can be a challenge. There are exceptions! I could be happy being stuck with my wife, but probably I will not use this particular words to express my feelings :).

In one of the seminars of Dr. Wayne W. Dyer I heard a very wise lesson for this kind of challenges.

My own translation of his lesson is: If I can’t change it, I better learn to love it!

The very important question I need to answer to myself is: why I can’t change it?

The truth is that there are very little things we can’t change. We can’t change the laws of nature. We can’t change something what is irreversible, like death. We can’t change other people. At least I can’t!

The most of the things in our life we actually can change, but we are deciding not to. Often we don’t want to change something because of our fear of loss, fear of unknown, or fear of failure. Other reasons for not changing something in our life can be based on our moral, cultural, ideological or religious values. Sometimes it is lack of vision or lack of self believe.  Very often it is just being lazy. We feel discomfort, but it is not big enough to trigger decision for change.

In my opinion it makes not much difference if we can’t change something because it is out of our reach or we just decide not to change. The end result is the same. We have to live with what we have. In this case we should decide what our attitude towards this object should be?

I do believe that to make our life more fulfilled, more positive and easier it is wise to adopt accepting and loving attitude towards things / situations / people we can’t or we don’t want to change…

Celebrate and enjoy…

It is interesting that we focus more on our mistakes and failures than on our right decisions and victories. It does not make sense to me! When you look at an average life we are making more right decisions than wrong ones and we have more victories than failures.

Otherwise we would not survive as individuals and as a human race!

Therefore I think it is time to change the focus and be more conscious about all that we are doing right!

In the management schools I was taught to catch employees on doing something right and praise them.

In my opinion this is precisely what we need to do to ourselves. We should be alert and we need to catch ourselves on doing something good more often, on making the right decision, on achieving our small or big victories.

We not only need to catch ourselves on doing that, but we should praise ourselves, celebrate and enjoy it!

I do not mean that we should pretend that we do not make mistakes! I think we should learn from our mistakes. There are 2 very important questions we need to ask ourselves whenever we notice that something went wrong. The first question is why did it happen? The second question is what can I do to not repeat this mistake in the future?

But when we made the right decision, when we reached our small or big victory, why shouldn’t we praise ourselves, celebrate and enjoy it? It will shift the focus from what we are doing wrong to what we are doing right! It will give a boost to our self-confidence. Our self-esteem will grow and we will be more motivated to make the right decisions and reach our victories in the future!

This makes more sense to me than beating myself up over mistakes and failures!

So let’s stop beating ourselves up with past mistakes and let’s celebrate and enjoy all that we are doing well!

This is one small good change we can work on to make our lives even better!